Barely Winging It Read online

  As they approached the house, she said determinedly, “Ok.” She spoke more to herself than to the others. “I see where I was at fault. I won’t let that failure, or anything else, stop me from achieving my goals.”

  Havana felt happy at her resolution. “I’m not going to die some slow, pining death,” she said with relief as she opened the door. Suddenly she froze as she was confronted by her mate, and the look on his face wasn’t a happy one.

  “It was not my intention to hold you back. I will leave and let you accomplish your goals.” He sounded tortured.

  “Dultyn, no! Wait!” Havana called for him as he charged past, but he whipped open his wings and leapt into the air before she could say anything else.

  Havana felt her heart die has her mate turned from her and ran. Confusion mixed with pain at seeing him run from her. Where’s he going? When will he come back? . She fought back the sob that threatened to overtake her from the intense grief she felt. It was hell not being with him the last few weeks. I can’t do this for who knows how long.

  The last of her thoughts caught up with her, and Havana crumpled to the ground in agonizing sorrow. She had never felt such emotional pain as intense as this, not even from the death of her parents. She’d always thought she was pretty strong, but after her parents’ deaths, and now this, she had discovered she wasn’t as strong as she thought she was. She was finding her breath hard to come by between sobs.

  Havana felt more than one body press against hers as more than one set of arms warmly wrapped around her. She couldn’t open her flooded eyes to see who they were, and her nose was too clogged from her crying to scent anyone, but through the buzzing in her ears, caused by her extreme emotions, she heard their voices attempting to soothe her. She felt a hand stroke her hair. One rubbed her back and another voice kissed her on her head. With their comfort, Havana slowly brought herself back under a little bit of control.

  Embarrassment started to set in. She had never broken down so hard before, and to do it in front of so many people wasn’t sitting well with her. Someone handed her a box of tissues, and Havana used several to clean herself up, taking the time to look around. Reese, Gale, Connie and Katie were all surrounding her with words of comfort and encouragement. Alphy, Kace, Slate, and Stelios were talking quietly nearby. Alphy must have sensed her looking because he glanced at her, giving her a concerned look, but continued with the conversation.

  A wet heavy flapping sounded through the door behind her. Havana’s heart leaped into her throat with excitement, believing her mate was retuning. Looking towards the sound, her heart dropped painfully into her lower gut with disappointment as Bogdan’s wet blue and white form stepped through the doorway. She witnessed him give Alphy a look that wasn’t encouraging.

  Alphy nodded. “Why don’t we take this into the office? Come on, sis, let’s go have a talk. We’ll get this worked out.”

  Havana knew her brother wasn’t one to give empty threats or promises, but she didn’t feel much like he knew what he was talking about this time. She felt no hope for anything positive. Her heart ached so much, she couldn’t talk out of fear she would lose herself to grief again. She was further embarrassed when her brother had to help her up off the floor. She, Gale, and Reese followed behind Alphy, Slate, Kace and the two gargoyles.

  The office was really Ryker’s domain and bedroom, but over the weeks it had been smartly set up to allow both men to use it with still enough room for a large group to congregate in it. As they entered the room, she heard Alphy’s voice directed towards Ryker. “Ryker, why don’t you go get some supper?”

  “Yes sir, boss,” was his chipper reply.

  Alphy took a seat at the desk, while everyone else situated themselves around the room. Some stood, while others sat. Alphy made sure Gale occupied his lap, and Slate stood next to his mate, whom he insisted should sit.

  As Alphy took a seat at the desk, and everyone else situated themselves around the room. Havana tried to get her thoughts and emotions back under control. Crap, I’m going to die a slow pining death. This is the worst way to die. Thoughts of her parents filtered through her mind. They had been happy together, and they’d died together. She had been angered at the friends of her parents who said it was a blessing they had died together, but it made sense to her now. It wasn’t that she was alone. It was because the other half of her soul, the one person fate deemed perfect for her, kept rejecting her. But why?

  Havana’s stomach rolled, and she dove for a wastebasket that was fortunately close by. The next couple of minutes were a blur as she emptied her stomach and struggled to recover from it. After she finished, someone took the trash can out, and someone else handed her a glass of water.

  “Easy, sis. I truly believe this can be worked out. We need a strategy. To get that, we need information. Stelios was telling me something I think is very important. Why don’t you repeat what you told me, Stelios?”

  “Actually, Bogdan could tell it better. He was raised with Dultyn.” Stelios nodded toward the gargoyle.

  Bogdan gave a heavy sigh as all eyes turned to him. “We were part of a clutch in Germany. Though we had different parents, we both hatched at nearly the same time in the early eighteen hundreds.” Havana sat quiet and completely focused on what she was learning about her mate. Even though she wanted to know everything about him, it wasn’t ideal to learn these personal things from others. But that was in larger part because of her, so she completely appreciated everyone’s support. Bogdan went on. “Things started getting tense for a while, trying to keep from being discovered. Then World War One started, and that’s when things started going really bad. Our clutch, to be aware of the things around them, watched and learned everything they could about the events. Dultyn and I were always close as brothers, so he and I worked together on many cases, to bring information back to the clutch. But then we started to notice concerning things with our clutch. Several members disagreed with other members; they started taking sides. Once World War Two was in full swing, the tension in the clutch was at its most intense.

  “We learned that a group of German soldiers were investigating myths in our area. We warned the clutch to find other places to roost and to take precautions. Several took our advice, and hid away in secret spots with plans to meet up after roost the next night. There were only a few who didn’t go. One of them was a mated couple who promised to guard over the unmated during the day. But when we arrived after sunset that night, we found the bodies of the mated pair and the debris of one of the gargoyles. The others were missing.

  “Over the course of a year, we kept on the move, hiding where we could. We soon lost all of our mated pairs, leaving us vulnerable to the threat of day. Our leaders were dead, so the rest of us had put Dultyn in charge. He kept us safe for a while. We had been looking for a place where the war wouldn’t reach us, and it led us to a church in a town that we hoped we would be safe for a few days. Instead, when we woke, Dultyn and I were the last ones left amongst a smoldering heap of broken rubble.” Bogdan’s eyes were empty. Everyone could tell he was seeing in his eyes, his memory. It was a horrid memory to have to relive, but Havana started to get an understanding of the weight her mate felt he had to carry alone. She also felt more guilt elbow its way into her gut for the pain she tried to inflict on Dultyn.

  Stelios took up the rest of the story. “My clutch wasn’t in Germany, but it was a world war. My clutch got wiped out in a single bombing as well, and I was the only survivor. I was so frightened until I found Dultyn and Bogdan. They didn’t turn me away when I asked to join them. I learned later what happened.”

  “He blames himself for their deaths, doesn’t he?” Katie asked.

  Bogdan and Stelios both nodded before Stelios continued. “For another year, we traveled and tried to stay safe. There were several close calls. There were other times we found what appeared to be whole clutches wiped out. We ran into Raymond and Fabian in France. They offered to smuggle us to Canada to his coven, which he had ju
st taken over a month previous. We accepted and had stayed up until now.”

  Havana was puzzled. Her voice was slightly raw as she spoke. “Ok, I’m sorry, I get why he thinks he should blame himself, unjustly in my opinion, but I get it. What I don’t get, still, is why he didn’t want to mate with me?”

  Alphy answered her. “There are a couple things to it. First, he thinks he failed the others so he probably fears failing you. Second, he thinks you are too young to have to bear his burden with him, because whatever affects one mate, will affect the other. He wants you happy, not sad.” He raised his hand to silence her, clearly knowing her argument, so Havana closed her mouth and frowned. “I didn’t say it was rational. Keep in mind how long he’s been alive, what he’s seen and had to live through. He doesn’t want to drag you down into that. You are carefree and full of life. My guess is that he doesn’t want to hold you back from living whatever life you planned to live. You have such a long life ahead of you that you are just starting. What do you two think? Am I close?”

  Both gargoyles nodded, and Bogdan added, “He has had to bury his emotions and not face them. Perhaps this is fate’s way of helping him through this, by giving him a mate who could teach him to love life again. He used to be so happy, you couldn’t help but smile and be happy, too, when you were around him.”

  Havana mulled over what they had said. She started to feel the tendrils of hope. Could she allow herself to hope? Yes, damn it! I am not a shrinking violet. I will fight for him until my dying breath, as true mates should. Havana didn’t know how exactly to do that, but she figured it would start with an apology on her part. He may have been mistaken, but so had she. It was time she grew up. “Ok, so what’s the plan?”

  Chapter Seven

  Friday after sundown

  Nix paced silently in the small hotel room they had rented in Bancroft, while waiting for Enzo to return. He learned it was the same hotel Gale and her family had been in when Alphy met them. They had kept their alpha apprised of events, but they both needed clothes so after seeing them safe in the room, Enzo headed to the pack house.

  Nix would have been happier if Bronya was safe in his bed surrounded by the pack, but she had yet to learn about shifters, and mates, and he just knew if he made love to her—and the need was riding him hard—he wouldn’t be able to stop his falcon from claiming her. Of course he wanted her claimed, too, which didn’t help his resolve, but he had to make sure this was done right. Telling humans about the paranormal world was a tricky thing.

  She, however, didn’t seem at all bothered by anything at the moment. She slept on the ride up here, and easily fell back to sleep once they arrived. At least she trusted him enough to sleep alone in a room with him.

  Reaching the window, he peered outside again before turning to pace the other direction. Normally, being surrounded by walls made his falcon claustrophobic and he would long to be in the air, but right now his falcon was too busy urging him to claim their mate. He tried to keep his concentration, but he didn’t have information on the suspect, or the fire, or even the background of his mate and her family. With so many unknown variables, he had nothing to set his focus on other than his mate.

  Enzo had promised to bring everything he could get Ryker to dredge up in the time he was there at the house, which knowing Ryker, would be plenty to keep them reading for a few days before he could conjure up more. He grunted in amusement as he wondered how the little vamp could manage it. The little red-headed twink is quite the wiz.

  “What’s so funny?” His mate’s groggy voice brought him out of his musing. His eyes darted to her and roved over her still relaxed form, examining her to make sure she was ok. Damn, I have it bad. “Just thinking of a buddy of mine. You ok? You’ve been sleeping a lot.”

  Bronya rubbed her eyes and stretched. Nix had to look away and hold his breath to keep from moaning out at the pleasure and pain the sight caused him. Even her name caused his heart to flutter. He had tried, during the ride to Bancroft, while she slept, to say her name enough to get used to it, but it didn’t work. He still felt tickles of pleasure spread through his torso at the sound of it.

  “Yeah, I’m all right. Just didn’t have a lot of sleep the last couple days.” She dropped her head back against the pillow and looked up at the ceiling. “The night of the fire, I kept thinking about this falcon I saw that day on a repo. Ridiculous, I know, but I just couldn’t get him out of my head for some reason.”

  Nix stopped and stared at her in shock. She was influenced by the mating pull that much while I was in my falcon form? Mentally fisting the air in ridiculous elation, he listened as she continued.

  “I was still awake when the cops showed up and told us about the fire. I went to work like normal, but couldn’t sleep much last night either. Dad didn’t want to let me do this one job today, but I felt it was the last one for a while and we really needed the money.”

  Nix scrunched up his face in confusion. “Is your father’s business in trouble? We didn’t get that impression. Do you need any help?” He said the words before he thought about them, which was totally not like him at all. It was a good thing you only get one mate, because it was dangerous having this little self-control.

  Bronya rolled over and gave him a grateful smile, which nearly wiped all the blood from his head and blasted it into his groin. He was sure he felt his balls bounce in their sacks from the force. His dick strained the front of his jeans, turning them into an instrument of torture. He fought hard to hear what his mate was saying over the roar in his ears.

  “My dad’s business is fine. We had several financial setbacks the last several years, and we’ve been giving every last bit we earn, that we don’t need for food and bills, to paying those debts off.”

  Nix did some subtle breathing and got his blood flowing enough to think about what she said. “If you don’t mind me asking, what are the debts from?”

  Bending her arm, she rested her head on her elevated hand and shrugged. “College and some hospital bills. My grandmother had a lot of problems before she died, and right after that, Mom had an accident that was pretty bad, and then Dad had to have emergency surgery for a ruptured appendix. The company suffered when my dad was so preoccupied with my mom when she was hurt, and then with his own health emergency, so not only did we add debt, we lost income on top of it. He hasn’t had the business for long. He created it just about a year before my grandmother died.”

  Nix was stunned for a moment as he processed what she said. His mate had been through a lot lately. “I’m very sorry to hear about your grandmother. And I’m grateful both your parents came out all right. They make a good team, I could tell that.”

  Bronya gave him an appreciative smile. “Yeah, they are. I want the same kind of relationship as they have. I guess that’s why I haven’t really been in any relationship that lasted more than a couple of dates. None of them fit the bill.” Her eyes darted to his and back down at her hands.

  Nix’s stomach bounced around as if it had its own pair of wings. If she was feeling the mating pull, then she knew he was the one to give her the kind of relationship she wanted. Still, he wanted to know exactly what she thought it was. Perhaps letting her know what he wanted would help a little … or bite him in the ass. But you don’t win races by sitting on the sidelines. “My parents were true soul-mates. They never stayed angry at each other for more than a few minutes. My father always took my mother out, and he always found reasons to compliment her. He always thought of her before himself and constantly sought out her advice so they could make decisions together. That’s the kind of man I want to be for the woman I choose to share my life with.”

  Nix didn’t mistake the look of longing that flickered through her eyes. Bronya sat up and leaned back on her hand. “That’s exactly what I want. All the guys I run into seem to think that to be the head of the house, they don’t need to involve the woman in the decisions. I want a man who can make the hard choices for the family and be confident about it bec
ause he already knows what it is that I want because he talks to me and listens to me that much. Does that make sense?”

  “Perfect sense.” Nix smiled warmly at her to ensure she knew he was being honest.

  “So where are your parents now?” She asked.

  Nix’s smile faded, and he turned to look out the window. He didn’t want her to see how sad the memory was to him. But he did want to tell her since, being his mate, she would need to know. “My parents and younger sister were killed when I was young.” Nix couldn’t tell her all the details.

  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  The sound of a car door shutting caught his attention. Nix peeked out window. Through the dark, with his enhanced sight, he could make out Enzo trying to load up his arms with bags, two of which looked to be like casserole dish holders. He opened the door for the shifter as soon as he was near the door.

  “Thank you,” Enzo grunted.

  Bronya had gotten off the bed and was now helping to relieve some of the burden. She placed the food holders on the table while Enzo dropped the bags on the second bed. “Sorry I’m so late. There were some problems at home.”

  Nix’s brows shot up. “Anything you can tell me about?”

  Enzo seemed to be thinking over the words before he answered. “It’s about Dultyn and Havana.”

  “Bad news?” Nix hated that the two were having problems. He liked the gargoyles and had formed a sort of bond with them. And Havana was a bright spirited woman who usually made you laugh whether you wanted to or not. Her banter between her and her brother always brought laughter.

  Enzo nodded his head. “It has to do with his past.” Enzo sat hard on the bed, and resting his elbows on his knees, he rubbed his face in his hands before leaning back and rubbing his neck. “That’s the first time I’ve ever seen her cry, I mean full on ‘on the floor sobbing’. She actually hazed out for a bit in grief.”